Hearing and Listening- The Importance of Managers Doing Both Well
One of the hardest things that managers must do is to stop talking and to actively listen to their staff. I know this because it’s also been hard for me. In this era where many of us have gone to either hybrid or full remote, it’s become more than difficult to listen while perpetually behind a Zoom or Teams camera, interrupted by constant distractions such as texts on our phones, other instant messages via Zoom, Teams or Slack, and lack of physical stimulation.
Frustrating communication is never conducive to good relationship-building.
Despite that, what our teams need from us the most is our undivided attention, and our empathetic, actively listening ears. Failing to lend them these result in the following 3 main byproducts:
1) Misunderstandings. Not listening means we miss important details that require our attention and form the basis for actions or directives we need to give.
2) Duplicate effort/inefficiency. Sitting in a meeting and texting/multi-tasking (a myth by the way) means you’ll have to re-read content or re-attend a meeting, or worse yet, deal with an escalated (negative) matter that could’ve been avoided.
3) Disenfranchisement. Failing to pay attention to the person we’re with communicates a type of disrespect and disregard that causes them to either reciprocate these feelings or lose interest in the assignment, the team, or the entire organization.
Now that we’ve gotten the 3 negative impacts of poor listening out of the way, what can we do to improve our listening skills?
These are just some of my favorites, but I’m certain there are many others as well:
All in communication, the shortest path to engagement.
1) Prepare for the time together. Be relatively on time (a minute or two late isn’t the worst issue) and chose the right setting for the interaction. If in person is not realistic due to new working norms, then at least a videoconference with both cameras on, and good sound quality. Also make sure both sides have their main topics known for discussion. If this is a performance evaluation meeting, then focus on that and don’t meander to other topics until that’s done. If it’s a regular one-on-one, ask for an agenda of main topics to be covered so you stay on point, and reciprocate with topics you want to allow time for that concern you at the end of that meeting.
2) Resist the urge to attend to other things while meeting. Don’t pick up a call in the middle of the meeting, unless you were expecting it as an emergency (and let the other person know in advance you will be doing that.) There is always voicemail, and a true emergency will show itself with a repeat call or a text. In addition, the other person observing how you dismissed a call, letting it go to voicemail will feel they have your attention and respect.
3) Read the body language. When you listen well, you’re listening with your eyes as well as your ears. Watching for signs of hesitation, discomfort, confusion, anger, apprehension, pain, as well as excitement, curiosity, and general happiness allows you to respond appropriately. After all, body language is 57% of all communication effectiveness.
4) Be conscious of your own body language. Just like you’re looking to listen with your eyes, so is the other person. They’re watching you. What you say with your face, your hands, the position of your body all say more than you say verbally. Nodding excessively may indicate impatience when you intend to show agreement. Holding your head with your hand may indicate annoyance when you simply have a headache. There are many emotional queues that we give off unknowingly that are being interpreted by our staff or peers or customers. We must be aware and accountable of how these come off, and own changing them if they are unintentionally hurting the communication.
5) Ask meaningful questions. Of all the things we tend to forget to do, or don’t do often enough, it’s asking questions. Meaningful questions. These sound like, “help me understand this more, …?”and “what do you mean by…?” and “where do you think this will….?” My favorite way of asking questions is to restate what the person said, confirming you heard them correctly, and finishing by asking, “did I get that right?” The one question to try to avoid asking is “why.” While explaining the why of a strategy or vision is helpful, constantly asking people the why of what they’re doing ends up putting them into a defensive posture, often undermining their confidence and the mutual trust.
These are just a few tips to help with ensuring the time spent collaborating shows that you’re actively engaged, hearing the other person, and really listening. Really listening is one of the core components to building trust. Happy listening!
Body language speaks volumes.
