When It Comes to People, Go with the Platinum Rule, Not the Golden Rule! The Platinum Rule, and 3 Ways to Apply It.

Ever wonder why everyone fixates on the Golden rule, and applying it to everyday life? The Golden rule, stemming from the bible teaches “Do unto others as you’d have done to you”, essentially treat everyone as you would want to be treated. The assumption here is that everyone wants to be treated well, and if you treat everyone how you want to be treated, then you’re golden. Right? Not so much. I’ve learned that when it comes to people, it’s the Platinum rule that trumps the Golden rule. The platinum rule is “Treat everyone as they want to be treated.” Plain and simple. What’s better than that? Easy to say and very, very hard to apply. But why? Because we’re all different! And what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. This is especially true to leadership!

So in my journey towards leadership, I’ve found that so many times leaders take the quick golden rule route and apply a simple one-size-fits all approach to leading their teams; what works for one has to work for the rest. Well that just doesn’t do it- as we’re all individuals. Sure, we have many of the same fundamental needs, like feeling safe, secure, appreciated, respected…but aside from the basics, not two are alike. So assuming what WE like will be what EVERYONE likes starts us off on the wrong foot. And the more I think about it, the more I know it’s really all about getting to know people, those you lead, those who lead you…and others you have to work with everyday. Why? Because that’s the only way to know what makes them tick, what works for them; how they want to be talked to (or not), whether they want to discuss things in a meeting, or would rather you stop in and chat casually; if they’re big on the spotlight for themselves, or would rather just get a passing thank you for recognition. No, being efficient with people is not the same as being effective. You know when you’re kid’s had a bad day and is about to have a complete melt-down, and when saying “just take it easy” isn’t going to settle him/her down….you have to put the time in, and listen, and work through the issues, and give him/her what they need…namely, your attention. Here are a few of my thoughts on the platinum rule, and what it entails:

Doing what’s right, and not what’s easy. 

I have a saying I use a lot around the office, and at home, “Do what’s right, and not what’s easy…what’s easy isn’t always right, and what’s right isn’t always easy.” My kids have cut me off at the “do what’s right…” piece because they get it, they know I’m not interested in the quick and easy solutions, because they’re usually not what’s appropriate. But doing what’s right, it’s work, most of the time. And that comes down to dedication, and knowing what matters. When you’re trying to build a relationship with someone, spending time with them, listening to them, asking questions, (and remembering their answers) actually matters a lot. Taking the time to acknowledge their feelings, their concerns, and seeing things from their point of view- well that’s really all it takes. But that’s a tall order, isn’t it? Of course. It takes time. In this day and age, with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc, it’s easy to send a happy birthday to 279 “friends”, many that you’re spending less than an hour with in a whole year. But how many do you really care about, enough to actually pick up the phone and call…to see them or sing them happy birthday? How many people make it personal? It used to be the only way, then it became one way of doing it, and now if you think about it…it’s not usually the way it’s done anymore. Why? Because it’s just so much easier to mass-text your friends on their birthdays, assembly-line style, instead of seeing how they are, making the commitment to talk to them or see them in person. It’s become more about quantity and not quality. But how much of us really want a quantity of hollow relationships? I can only speak for myself- quality first, always. And quality means commitment, and taking time to “do what’s right.” This also means you have to “fix what’s broken”, whether it’s a relationship, your financial situation, or even your nose! Instead of complaining about it, or writing it off as unattainable, walking away, settling with the status quo, you’ll find that fixing what’s broken always feels so much better than living with what’s broken forever.

It’s about intentions too.

Another saying many have heard me say for the last several decades, “Good intentions, Sh*t execution!” And it’s usually right after something goes grossly wrong. And you never intended it to! Those were NOT your intensions at all! But how many of us really know what your intentions are? It’s really the execution that we see. Unless we know you, really well, in which case you get the big “benefit of the doubt” pass, we’re stuck with your execution, Sh*t or not. And unfortunately, the more we try to do, the harder it becomes to do things well, and the more you get to see the expression, “good intensions…” applied. Again, how many of us really want a lot of Sh*t execution? The less time we make for each other, the less and less tolerance we’ll have of the execution, because we just have no idea if there were even any good intensions. P.S. I like to believe there really are a lot of good intentions.

Believe it and you’ll see it- the law of attraction.

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned in life, is to believe. Believe in your dreams, your visions, your will power…believe in yourself, and more importantly in others. People are so fundamentally good, but we tend to put the jaded sun-glasses on when it comes to others. We judge others with such a tainted lense, as if we expect others to disappoint us, we expect them to fail us, to be untruthful to us. Well, if that’s where we start, that’s where we end. The law of attraction is alive and well; whatever you can envision fully, and believe in your heart, as long as you’re thankful, you will see it manifest. Hence the saying, “seeing is believing” is actually the opposite; it really should be “Believe it and you’ll see it.” My life has been a series of testimonies to that law- the lists of events are countless and no doubt endless for me. The power of visualization is so immense, it’s impossible for me to not see it, and I struggle with others to help them see it as well. From as far back as I can remember, I’ve worked with mini scripts in my mind, of things I wanted in life, something much like a mental “vision board” for life. The more I could day dream, the more I could actually see it happening in my mind, and feel the excitement of it happening, the more it became real. This is everything from my finding my partner in life, to settling in my first home, to having the perfect order of children (the boy, then the girl), and the warmth of family around me all my life. My career itself has unfolded beautifully like chapters of a well-written script, with each chapter building more meaning and value. All because of the power of believing in the law of attraction. My kids still tease me about being “lucky” in life, and especially about wining a lot of raffles, prizes whenever I go to events. But it’s really just simply harnessing the power of believing, and channeling it in the right way. I know it sounds bizarre, but it is very real and true. I recall a nearly fatal car accident on my 39th birthday, resulting in a fractured sternum and some morphine to go along with my chocolate cake. Although the pain from that crash was very real, my belief that I was going to be fine and walk away unscathed was stronger. And within 2 weeks I was back in the office, without so much as a bruise on me, and mentally stronger than ever. If there is one things I would want everyone to learn is how to do this one thing- believe in themselves and their ability to make just about anything good happen for themselves and others around them.

Finally, getting back to the platinum rule. It is by far a critical rule to get right, and to center your life around, because it is about people, and putting them first. It’s about building trust in everything you do. Making the time for the things that matter and not putting those things that matter most at the cost of the things that don’t. Whether it’s at home or at the office, people matter the most. Not tasks, not material things…people. Get to know them. Believe that you can build better relationships with them, over time of course. Don’t let your pit falls define your future relationships, and know that meaningful relationships take time. It’s like gardening, you have to ready the soil, fertilize it, sow your seed, and water it, over and over, knowing that the sun will come out to do the rest…maybe not every day, but most days. And before you know it, you will see the fruits (or vegetables) of your labor. Nothing good ever comes easy, so do what’s right and take the time to build what’s substantial, one day at a time, one deed at a time, by being open, and humble, and present. Believe that people are good, and they will not disappoint you. They will rise to the occasion, and you will find your life enriched with relationships that matter and boundless successes you couldn’t even envision!